Peace, Serenity and Joy-March 28, 2012

Coming to the end of the semester and I feel comfortable with where I am at. I have worked hard and gotten good marks so far and feel well prepared going into the last few weeks. I have also been doing quite a bit of service work in my 12 step program, it is bringing me contentment in my own recovery as well. "You have to give it away to keep it" is a true statement if I ever heard one. I am also back to exercising. Getting to the gym 4-5 days a week, and I feel great. I feel like I am caring for mind body and soul right now. Not everything in life is perfect by any stretch, attempting to stay positive about finances, or lack of them. I know it will all fall into place as it needs to. I am so blessed with abundance in many ways. I have an amazing family although it is difficult to maintain strong relationships in the midst of constant stress and not everyone around me has a program of recovery to work with. I am learning and growing every day, and I know that I can only control one person, just me.

Spring beautiful spring-March 16, 2012

My goodness, it is such a beautiful spring day, although spring is officially a few days away yet we have enjoyed temperatures in the high teens and 20's this week and for the week ahead as well. I was out for a bike ride today. I am working on a self care plan. It has been a difficult few months, I have struggled with a heavy, unmotivated, depressed kind of feeling off and on for a few months. It was worst about six weeks ago, and it's slowly lifted and I feel much more like my old self the past few weeks. I have decided I need to get healthier. Including eating better and exercising regularily, additionally getting more involved in my 12 step program and the people in it.

School is going well, and my new goal is to finish with a 90% overall average. A high goal to be sure, but I can do it. I have Tuesday's off now and most Friday's so it's been more managable lately. It is the March Break and hubby Will and Christian are at the sportsmans show today. I do love my solitude, it feels like the house always has someone in it, that I'm savouring the alone time. Not that I don't love spending time with my family. I just need the solitude to recharge my battery sometimes. It's been a tough year in many ways and just because we get older, doesn't mean everything gets easy with relationships. It's still constant work and some day's I am up for the challenge more than other days. Today is ok though. I am going to the A.A. Ontario conference with some dear friends and I am looking forward to a few days of fellowship and connecting with people who are just like me. I am looking forward to watching the blooms open up and seeing life growing outside my window. Speaking of which I am to be a Grammy again in October and I am thrilled.  My son came over with my grandson last week-end, since the Momma to be is quite sick with morning sickness and mentioned me being the doula. My heart is full.  I got the pleasure of picking up Jack last week to have over for the afternoon. He is so much fun! Picture of my youngest grandson Jack. 15 months.

Family Day Week-end-February 18, 2012

Our first real snowfall of the season in Whitby. I think we may have gotten close to 5 cm finally. I know--hard to believe here in Canada our first "amount" of snow is end of February. I'm really buried in school work. I got 14.5/15 on my first assignment, which is encouraging, but I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with the amount of work. I have 2 midterms next week and as4 signments more to do, and I've finished 1 already, and started 2, and there are 2 I haven't started yet. Forget the readings. Thankfully after next week, it's reading week, and I'm confident I will be doing work all week. Group projects out the yingyang, at least my groups are pretty terrific. Great people, no drama. Getting over my winters blahs at least. About 6 weeks worth of as close to feeling depressed as I hope to ever feel, and it seems that many are stuck in it this year. Biggest complaint right now it my back and neck. I think it's probably from my backpack, but a few weeks worth of pain and tension has me ready for a massage.

Snowed in-January 19, 2012

Well my first official "snow day" in Peterborough. It happens to be my youngest childs 13th birthday today, so I really wanted to be home, but my plans and the overall universe plan, are not always the same I have come to realize. We got about 6 inches of snow in about 3 or 4 hours. It just came down like crazy, and I started out to attempt to drive, but the white outs and snow covered roads convinced me to stay. So I'm tucked in my home away from home, with an egg salad sub, and a new book. I am not even going to study tonight. My stomach felt a bit "off" all day, but it seems to have recovered nicely now and I felt like I was running a fever, but that too seems to have gone. Other than the loud noises coming from my stomach, everything seems to ok. Hopefully whatever was bugging me has come and gone. I am glad I woke Christian up at his official birth time of 5:59am this morning to wish him a happy birthday. His two sisters are taking him out for a birthday dinner, and we'll have ours with him and the brothers and grandparents on Saturday evening. All is well with the world.

First Week-Second Semester-January 15 2012

Well, first week down, 14 to go this semester. Getting involved in some student leadership now. Did new student orientation, we had about 700 new students come in last week. I'm also put in to do peer tutoring, and within a few hours had a request for 2 regular jobs. It is going to be a busy semester, and I love my sign language course. I hope to continue it and be able to develop that skill. My 1 year of termination past 11 days ago. It was a tough day to get through actually. I still have some residual feelings that come up from time to time. The more I understand and reflect, the more I am in disbelief about that place and most of the people. Mostly I am just grateful to be free of that bondage and be moving forward.
It is extremely cold right now, but we have had an amazing winter so far. The first real snow of the year is finally on the ground. This past week, I stayed in Peterborough Wednesday night, due to freezing rain and snow. I had to miss a 1 year medallion at my group and the business meeting, which I hate to do since I'm the secretary, however "first things first". Then Friday I started out and got about 20 minutes in and turned around due to the treacherous road conditions.
I think today is a "home" work day. The house is a mess, so cleaning house and maybe a work out are in order. My friend at school Kathy was away last week, and I will be so glad to have her back tomorrow. We had adjusted our schedules so we are in every class together. She is a straight shooter and hard worker, and we have lots of laughs together.

1 year past-January 5 2012

365 days into my new life now. It is 1 year and 1 day since I was terminated without cause. The only regrets I have are some of the people that I thought were friends turned out to be the opposite of friends, and that continues to cause me some occassional sadness and disappointment, but I will keep healing and time will help with that. I am on my true path today and  I am happy joyous and free!

Welcome 2012-January 2, 2012

We had a great ushering in of the New Year at my sisters place. It was a great year of change for everyone, and the company was wonderful to spend time with. A childhood friend, more of my sisters, but fantastic person, Lee and her husband Ron, my sister Linda and brother in law Michael, my nephew Derek and niece Jenna and their child Laurel who I absolutely adore. She is such a joy in my life. Also my husband Will and son Christian. Also the 3 canine girls of the house, Lilly, Rosie and Georgia. All but the 3 girls made it up to midnight for a change! Linda, Derek and Laurel were battling colds, but hung in there. Played some Monopoly and a thinking/feeling/talking game and ate way too much. Hated to leave, but started my workout "resolution" today. Very cold tonight, feel worried about the homeless tonight.