Last Day of May-May 31, 2011

Wow tomorrow is June 1 and 10 days till the wedding! Things are getting hairy now, the Jack and Jill in 3 days, and Racheal finalizing her table seating and those last minute details that we've been waiting so long to finally deal with...are here! I got 86% on my midterm and 88% on my 1st lab, which I am thrilled with! Only 2 1/2 weeks to final exam and another lab due next week, 3 more discussion, and another 5 or so assignments. ahhhhh. I cleaned at a new house today, a bit stressful, the man brought home his wife and NEW baby they had last night while I was there! It's just twice I'm going there in June, then they are moving. Nice couple, although finding mickey bottles stuffed in the sofa makes me sad for them. Racheal and Sam cleared about 7 or 8 out of it last week. I have another new one I'm starting tomorrow for a teacher, so it's just June for now, but that is ok, I'm ready for a bit of down time. Came home today and literally at my computer, typed out 21 pages for this chapter of my course, and submitted another discussion. Had Racheal in working out the seating and printing up her programs. She is slowly hauling stuff over her that she will need for wedding day, so the house is filling up. It's so close to the hall, it make sense to keep some of the items here. Found out yesterday that 2 more people got fired from my former office, 2 good people. I have no idea what is going on in that place, but heartless leadership..if you can call it that, however onward and upward, I offered a reference if they need one. Hot Hot Day today! First sweltering day of the year, I loved it though, but I'll admit my air is on for me to sleep. We had a june bug just escape in the house, and I am not a lover of the june bug, so I called for Will and asked him not to kill it, to let it back out. It was flying around and I'm hiding behind the curtain and, he caught is and is now outside taking pictures of it.(lol of course) before he sets it free. Still a bit left over tireness from the bachelorette party, 1 hour 54 minutes of sleep, that I have not completely replaced my sleep debt, and plan to tonight-God willing. Clean and study tomorrow, Thursday is a test and I need to submit an assignment and I have to go see Shanti in the afternoon, and Friday I'm getting my hair done """""yaahooo''''!!!!and than going to help set up the Jack and Jill. Ate our dinner at 9:00 tonight, but at least together. Namaste I am in my happy place.

Finding time to find my passion-May 28, 2011

I think I may need to redo the name of my blog. I just finished my midterm and thankfully finished it with an 87%, so I'm in ok shape with the course for now. It's been NUTS! 4 day week and I cleaned 2 of the days, went to Toronto for a workshop, and had 2 quizzes, 1 lab, 1 discussion and 1 assignment due, AND the midterm. Oh yes not to forget Racheal my lovely daughters Bachelorette party . which is.now today. I didn't finish my midterm up until after midnight and I'm still to hyper to sleep, so I'm getting caught up. I watched Oprah's last show Wednesday or Thursday and on it she said, we are all called, and it made me feel sad, because I just don't know what I'm called to do? The lady at the yoga show said I knew, but I don't feel like I do. Guess the jokes on me, everyone but I know what I'm called to do. Hope sometimes lets me in on it soon. I now have crazy stuff going on in my right eye. Flashing white arc of light and lots of floaters. What the heck? Once this course and wedding finish up.....which will be within a week of each other...I'm doing some down down down time. I might become a meditative slug! I can't complain, I have a wonderful life with a wonderful family and friends. What more could a little Dottie Mommy want?

Miracle of Birth-May 20, 2011

What a week! The May long week-end is upon us now. My last week-end that is not crazy busy until after the wedding. I've been working so hard, and this psyc course is so demanding, I've feeling a bit overwhelmed today. I picked my Grandchild Cassandra up at school sick yesterday, and I thought I was going to have the house to myself to get all this school work done, but it's been one interuption after another. 2 guys at the door trying to sell both lawn care and driveway sealing, and they both had trouble with their speech. I daresay they might have had some trouble with their frontal lobe, in Broca's area which plays an important role in the production of speech. I know...too much studying. However I'm doing pretty well. My first quiz did not go well, only 66% and then a 76% and yesterday a 91%, but I think there is a glitch in their system, as my second one said I got 3 wrong and when I looked back over the answers that it said I put....no way, so I took pictures of my last quiz..lol...I know pretty sad, but I don't mind taking a poor mark when I am not prepared or don't know the material, but my 76% should have been a 91%, but I'll accept it, and continue to take snapshots of my work! I've had phone calls coming in, and my husband was suppose to be gone for the day and he was back at 11, then my son home for lunch, it just seems like I am not suppose to be sitting working maybe?My girls are off for the week-end and my husband and son are going to Peterborough tomorrow, so I was so looking forward to having the house to myself for the day, maybe do some cleaning and my son called in a bind for childcare for my 3 year old grandson. I really at first felt like "are you kidding me?" I am feeling a bit stretched right now, and I know I was free to say no, but he's got lots on his plate and I do want to help, so I need to look at this as an opportunity to look at the day with a child's eyes and get outside and enjoy the day! The best thing that happened this week was my neice and nephew had their baby and I had the great honour of being their doula. It was such an amazing experience and it is how I envision the "perfect" birth to be, if there is such a thing. It did make me reflect and feel a bit sad for my daughter in law, who wanted to have such a birth and got right to the end of a difficult labour with no medication and on her terms, but for reasons beyond her control ended up having a C-section after pushing for 2 hours. She is such a strong women, very much like Jenna. I hope that if they have another child, that she feels she has an option for a VBAC and it would be such an honour to be present, however I will respect whatever choice she makes, she is amazing. However I am going to post Derek and Jenna's birth story I wrote the night I got home from the birth that I presented to the couple. It tells it much better than I can explain 2 days after the fact.

Derek and Jenna’s Birth Story-Laurel Abigail-May 18, 2011-1:59pm

When I got the call from Derek on the morning of Wednesday May 18, 2011, I was excited that things were happening for you both. Jenna, you had lost your mucous plug the day before, but knowing that can happen well before labour, I was pleasantly surprised that was not the case for you. So when I spoke with him around 7:00am as I was heading out the door, he said the midwife had just checked you, and you were 3cm dilated and 40% effaced and -2 station, which was a good start. Derek said that it could be 6-12 hours and not to come until maybe early afternoon. I was not comfortable leaving it that long, so we decided after rush hour I would head in. So just after 9:00am I left, and of course traffic was still pretty stacked up, so I arrived around 10:30am and you were already in the water. The midwife said you had gotten quite active and were 5cm, which was wonderful news. She did mention that the baby was OP and although you weren’t having terrible back pain like many people do, you were having a strong urge to push. You were working very hard with your contractions, and Derek and I focused on keeping you from pushing.  You blew and panted and occasionally pushed/grunted and we pulled you back to blowing. The midwife checked you around 11:15 and you were 6cm. So you went in the birth pool for a bit, and the premature urge to push was very challenging for you, but you worked through it. Changing your slow deep breathing and blowing out, to a faster patterned breathing and blowing which seemed to work better for you.  Your midwife discussed the saline injection, and you decided to try it. It would have involved 4 needles into your back of sterile water. I had not heard of it before, and I just asked her about side effects and benefits, and it seemed to be a safe, non-invasive option for you to try. Trying not to push when you have the urge is almost unbearable, but you worked so hard. She warned you that they sting, like bee stings going in, and the pain of that continues for a few minutes. She was right, it really stung, and after 2 of them, you said “enough already”! You got out of the tub and did some standing with your leg up on the sofa, in an attempt to get Laurel turned. This was pretty uncomfortable and it was about 10-15 minutes before you were back in the tub. It seemed to be the place you were most comfortable. You liked to be on your knees in a wide stance, leaning on the tub wall, even though your hips started to really ache. You really listened to your body and rocked back and forth naturally, helping the baby to turn. Your midwife was so helpful in getting you to change positions regularly. The urge to push continued and intensified. Derek had gone briefly to buy some Gatorade for you. There was a moment that you seemed to be overwhelmed, wondering if you could do this, and I had started suspecting you were further along than what would have been expected for a first time mother.  I took you by the shoulders and asked you to look at me. I told you that you were strong, a warrior. That most women don’t do this, because they don’t have the inner strength that you do. That you were almost there, and we were all there and were going to help you through this, and Derek had just come back, and reinforced this. Your moment of doubt passed so quickly as you refocused your efforts to get through one contraction at a time. Some contractions were coming one on top of the other, and then you would get the odd one that would be 4 or 5 minutes. Derek kept speaking to you about how far you’ve come and how strong you’ve been and encouraging you, and was so attentive to your needs both emotionally and physically. As you continued to fight the urge to push your midwife suggested she might be able to manually rotate the baby’s head into an anterior position. She talked to me about using Olive Oil on your back and encouraging the rotating from the outside while she tried to do this internally.  I was hopeful that you would be much further along at this exam, even though it had been less than 1 hour since you had last been checked. Your contractions were very close together, and the urge to push so strong, I felt certain that you were in transition. When she checked you, as soon as I saw the look on her face, I knew you were close, but this even exceeded my hopes! You only had an anterior rim. So she asked you about pushing the lip of cervix over the baby’s head with the next contraction, and you agreed and it was successful!  Back to the water for you! There was some discussion about towels and blankets for the baby, and when you were talking to Derek and called him “sweet pea” I had to smile. I commented that I had heard many women call their husbands names during labour, but nothing as nice as that before. You had a renewed sense of purpose now, knowing that you were on the home stretch and it seemed much better for you after that, you worked so hard with the contractions pushing. You pushed for 2 hours and went from knees to seated position for a bit. I told you if you wanted to reach down and feel the baby’s head and you wanted to. It seemed to really help you focus your pushing to feel it.  After about 90 minutes you were feeling that you weren’t making progress, you couldn’t feel her moving. Your midwife reinforced that it was a gradual process, that you were making progress. Derek kept encouraging you, and cheering you on which you responded to so well. She suggested the birthing stool in the water, and although you didn’t seem too keen at first to try it, once you were on it, you loved it. You really made great progress with it, and brought the edge of the baby’s head out, and used a mirror to see.  It was suggested that you go back into the water, since you were on the verge of giving birth the baby would need to be kept warm, submersed in the water, so you agreed and went off the stool into the water and in the next few contractions your midwife asked you to go to hands and knees, which I asked her about later and she said that if there were any problems getting the baby’s shoulders out, you would already be in position. So within the next few contractions you pushed the baby’s head out, and then her shoulders and the rest of her body slid out easily. You immediately turned over and took your baby in your arms and the joy and relief were easily read on your face. Both you and Derek were emotionally overcome with the joy and relief, and I’m sure there was not a dry eye in the house as we witnessed the birth of a family surrounded with love and peace. Laurel had a rather short umbilical cord and when ready Derek cut it and released her from the place she had been attached to you for the past 9 months. The placenta took another 10 minutes or so to come out, and you pushed it out smoothly. You stayed in the water for a while, and eventually the midwife asked if you would be ok to go to the sofa, so she could access your rate of bleeding. It didn’t seem like you were bleeding much, however after 20 or 30 minutes you mentioned the blood flow, and when checked you had a fair amount, and a large clot. It seemed to be a bit more then I was totally comfortable seeing and the midwife talked to you about an oxytocin injection, and you didn’t answer right away. I told you if you were my daughter I would want you to have it, and that I would not want to see you have to go to the hospital. To me it seemed like such a small intervention and it was after the birth, I was very relieved that you agreed you wanted to have it. It made you crampy and Derek took Laurel and sat in the rocking chair with some skin to skin contact, and bonded with his daughter while you squeezed my hand during the very painful massage they had to do on your uterus to try and work a blood clot out that she suspected was in there and causing you some trouble. It was successful and after you passed another large clot your bleeding got much lighter. Your midwife was so respectful and consultative throughout the entire labour and birth process. Always explaining and asking permission before proceeding with anything, it was such an atmosphere of empowerment and support that she provided. I am so impressed with the level of care and caring that I saw. What a great decision it was to have them as your caregiver, and possibly a stroke of luck that you got this one for your birth. After sharing this experience I do feel like you are like a daughter and Derek has always been more like a son than a nephew for me.  I am so proud of you and Derek. The level of commitment you both showed and Derek’s emotional support in the process were huge factors in the birth experience you had. Allowing me to be with you is such a gift. You have given me far more from this experience then I have given you. The trust it takes to allow someone to share in such a personal and life changing moment like this, is huge, and I don’t take that lightly.  I am so honoured to have been given your trust with this role and privileged to be a part of this time in your life. Sometimes in this life things are presented to us as a gift, a gift we didn’t even know we were missing until we received it. Thank you for your gift, my life is forever changed for the better because of you both.

Love (Aunty) Sandy

Deep into Psych 1020- online May 16, 2011

There are some things that shoud never be done when you have distractions. My online psych course is one of them. Condensed from 3 months to 6 weeks, but assisnments and discissions on top of the labs and quizzes are TOO MUCH! I love challenge, but why do I consistenly give myself nearly unreachable goals and kill myself to reach them I've worked about as far as I can I think...just in case my doula services are called upon suddenly. Working a new cleaning job with Racheal tomorrow, a temporary one, but it's going to be good while it's lasts. Got to see Shanti on Wednesday, then I am home to study and prepare for Thursdays quiz, of course depending on the upcoming birth. Anyhow getting tired, hope to finally touch base with one of my good friends from Edmonton that has been trying to call the past few nights and I keep missing him. Going to sleep now, I need some of my neurons function at full capacity for tomorrow.

Mothers Day 2011-May 8 2011

Jam packed week-end. Saturday was busy, had my nephews baby shower all afternoon, and then went to dinner with my brother and sister and their spouses with my Mom and Will of course for dinner. I was so tired yesterday, just couldn't get it in gear. Today was a beautiful warm spring day. I got all my gardens weeded and edged out, and Will got the grass cut. I have never had my gardens looking this good in the spring. I have never noticed how beautiful the flowers and trees are before this year, and how sad is that? I went over to my moms tonight and she has so many birds around her place, I think I'm in danger of becoming that crazy bird lady! I had all of my kids in at one point this afternoon. Shawn and Jack were in, and Racheal and Brian, Tyler, Sam of course, and Justin and his buddy Mike came in. Mike is a childhood friend who has struggled with many things. His Dad leaving when he was a child, his Mom was an alcoholic, and she died of cancer about 2-3 years ago and he's only 28 years old. Awhile after his Mom died he quit his job and has been pretty much drinking ever since. So for the past 18 months that's been his life. He hadn't been to the gravesite since his Mom died, so Justin called him up today and said it's time and picked him up and took him.to the cemetary.By the time he arrived here he had somewhere around 16 drinks he said. He had mentioned he'd been mandated to go to A.A. last year for a DUI charge, and how he couldn't related to them at all and this guy talked about his drug use, which they shouldn't have done. He said he'd had 3 beers before the meeting and so his mind was not on recovery, just avoid jail time. So I just talked to him about how that was probably just not a great meeting and that sometimes happens, and talked a bit about the young persons meeting that is on now. I didn't harp on him at all, but let him know if he wanted to ever talk or know more, I'm here. Gave him a big hug and told him to come back again, so hopefully he makes it and doesn't become a statistic. Justin has some big challenges ahead I think now. He's come so far, but his ex partner is sure not in a good place, and her bipolar disorder makes it very challenging to deal with her.
Tomorrow is cleaning in Whitby, then into Toronto for workshop Tuesday. My niece Jenna is 38 weeks now and due anytime, so I'm on call for the now home birth! Can't wait!

Spring has sprung-May 5, 2011

How is it possible that I've not posted a single entry since April 23? So much going on, but instead of writing I'm finding no time to, so that will change starting NOW. Racheal's shower went wonderfully. I am so grateful that my former husbands family and mine all gets along so well. Not that it happens all by itself. I have made it a priortiy, knowing how important it would be for the children and family, I've done all I can to ensure that our relationships have been maintained in a postive way, despite the divorce. As well they are all wonderful people that have done the same. There was somewhere around 40 or more people here I think, that included my family, my former husbands family, my present husbands family and some friends of Racheal's. 37 days to the wedding now. I got my marks back and I got 86 percent as a final mark. 98 percent on my final exam. I could not believe it. Somewhere deep inside I still felt like that little girl who couldn't concentrate to save her ass, never did great in school, and always felt inadequate because her brain just wasn't wired the same way as everyone elses. I can't believe how many new things I've been able to learn in a few short months. I have been accepted as a "regular" student at the University, and that is something years ago I could only dream about. I'm starting my next course now, it's an online one. Very intensive, as it's shortened from 3 months to 6 weeks, so it's twice as much, but I think I'm going to enjoy it! My nephew and his wife are expecting in 2 weeks now, and I'm their doula. They are having a home birth, and I was on my way home from a meeting with Shanti yesterday and thought "OMG what if they've been trying to get hold of me." I have no cell phone anymore, and I've been gone for 4 hours. So I went out and got a pay as you go phone yesterday, so I've got something for them and to leave on my resume. I've got to get back in shape. I'm making a committment to that starting today as well. I went for a run tonight...darn near killed me. My chest was hurting, and I had to take an inhaler.....I know crazy. I'm going to a hot yoga class tomorrow. Namaste.