Sunday, October 27, 2013

The first 50 years-October 27, 2013

Me with my kids and two grandkids.


Today was my 50th birthday. My kids and partner through a fabulous birthday party for me. We skated for an hour and went back to my daughters house for some food and visiting. Saw friends that I haven't seen in a while and some that I see very often. All of my kids and family members that live around here. Everyone there was someone that is so special to me in some way and it meant so much to have them there. Many people that mean something to me were not able to be there because of other commitments, distance or death but, I felt them with me just the same. I feel so grateful to have the life I am living today. I have spent a lifetime building it and beautiful relationships do not just happen by accident. It's a constant investment of time, consistency, trust, love and self sacrifice. It is absolutely a labor of love and I am so grateful for it all. I have a partner who I love and trust, my children are everything I had ever hoped for and best friends of each other. This make me feel that despite some of the times I felt like I could not do anything right while I was raising them, I must have done something right since they are all such wonderful and nurturing people. People will often comment, "you are so lucky your children are so close to each other" or " you are so lucky to have such a close family" and I have to say that it doesn't happen by luck. Many people are not willing to put the front end work in that it takes so, they can enjoy the back end results. I always had an idea of how I wanted to raise my family and I always did what I thought was best for my family, despite the people who might say I do too much for them, to cut the apron strings and other things that suggested they did not think my way was the best way. I am so glad I never listened to them or succumbed to parental peer pressure. In case it's not clear, I am so proud of my family and I have such deep love and respect for them as individuals.
My friends are a source of strength and joy for me, and I for them. My work although not perfect, especially the shifting hours of three shifts. However it is work I love and feel like it's meaningful and contributes to help ease human suffering and contributes to the human spirit in some way.  That is more important to me then convenience. My brother and sister are not in the same area but, we have a close intimate connection that happens when one goes through tragedy and sorrow together and are able to come out the other side intact and supportive. All we have is today and I can say that without a doubt. Today, life is the best it's ever been, I'm 50 and fabulous!

Me and Tyler


Me and Justin

Top of Cake with Two Hawks

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Just Life Now...Sweet Life October 20, 2013

Well, I have finished yet another week-end of work. Not so bad. 30 hours and not overnight. Felt very tired tonight though. Still really enjoying my work. The theme of the night seemed to be those struggling with drug issues. Also some older actually elderly people coming in with alcohol problems. Very sad to see an old person at this point in their life unable to stay in their house due to their addiction. However, young people are not discouraged when they see this. All I can do is what I can do with them and meet them where they are.

My scare with my mammogram has past for now. They redid it and just say they want to keep an eye on it. They think it is just fatty tissue but to recheck in 6 months. My sister is recovering and moving along nicely but, it is not easy for her and I wish I could move it along faster for her but, it is what it is. My 50th birthday is looming. 1 week from today. In reflecting I actually feel that I am very happy with where I am in my life for 50. I have my family mostly raised and I could not be prouder of my children and grandchildren. I am in a happy and fulfilling relationship with my partner, I am doing work I love, still have money owing on my house but, after last few years and struggling to keep up with the accelerated  rate I had, I dialed it back and it's lower now and I'll put more on it. Next move will be a downsize and no payment. If I had been able to continue with the accelerated rate I would have had my house paid off in 7 more years. Oh well, I have come to realize it's important to have enough to be comfortable but, that doesn't make me happy. It's the people and what I do in my life that makes it meaningful.
So, for my big 50th the kids and my husband are renting some ice for a skate party and then back to my daughters house for a pot luck. I love building community and it's exactly me. I also am asking that people bring $5.00 gift cards for Tim's or Dollarama for the men at a local shelter instead of a gift for me. I have no room or need for anything. It's the people that make the party but, if we can collect enough to hand out to all the men and maybe women at the shelters I work at, I would love to have something to give the homeless at Christmas. Have the next 2 days off and feel the need to rest. Gratitude fills my soul.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What The Hell?-October 8, 2013



Sista Friends September 2013
Well it has been the best of times and it has been the worst of times. Recently I started my fall coming off on a high. Went out to see my beautiful sister that has made her home in Castlegar B.C. up on a mountain top. We both were very emotional at both my arrival and my departure. Now I know we must have sensed things would change soon.

What a week we had. Trip to the States Got our toes done and local sight seeing, shopping, drives, walks on the beach, checking out the local flavour and meeting the lovely people that are now her and her husband Michaels community and network. We shared lots of laughs and it was just a wonderful and relaxing time together. She is such a strong and courageous woman. I have such admiration for her.
 Some of the guys who worked on her house were in town and I met them. One of them always used the expression "what the hell" about most things, so that became our trademark expression. I even got a beautiful tattoo that has a special meaning to me.

Me with the Artist Ojas Cats




A lotus flower, which is a beautiful rare flower that literally grows out of the mirth. Symbolism of “through what appears to be a mess and disgusting, something beautiful can emerge.” I incorporated purple, pink, red and white into it, although at first glance it kind of looks pink.

The color bears importance in the meaning of the lotus flower in Buddhism. A white lotus flower refers to purity of the mind and the spirit. If a lotus flower is red, it refers to compassion and love. . The pink lotus flower represents the history of Buddha and the historical legends of the Buddha. A purple lotus flower speaks of spirituality and mysticism.



Coming up from the lotus are some swirls and from them two hawks flying that sympolize my parents re-united in the afterlife.

I also have the Sowelu symbol incorporated into it so tiny in the stem of the lotus flower. Linda has renamed her new place Sowelu and I liked it and wanted to incorporate it as as well.

Sowelu is finding wholeness and completeness within whom we are and how we interact with others.Sowelu is achievement.  Sowelu is celebration.  Sowelu means having
what we need when we need it – even if we can’t see the truth of that in the current moment.

Sowelu – the Sun, wholeness, completeness, personal life force,the growing energy of the sun.Element:  Sowelu calls us to the higher parts of our existence, to reach for the
sun (it is the closest star, after all), and expand our life force for a new path
soon to be chosen.

Finally, the top of the tattoo has some rays of purple which for me symbolized the crown chakra which is connected to enlightenment. 

It is the most beautiful home I have seen and I love the open structure and the unique touches and the wraparound deck with mountain views.
Linda and Mike with the Girls Lily, Georgia and Rosie


All too soon it was time to come home and I was beginning to miss my family as well.

My work has been busy and I enjoy it very much. It is fulfilling in a way that other jobs have not been. The teams I work with are such a sisterhood, especially at the womens shelter.

Last Friday everything has changed. My beautiful sister phoned and told me that she had breast cancer. In that moment I felt the bottom drop out. It was like the air had been sucked out of the room. Being so far away from her is so difficult right now but, it is what it is. The emotions are up and down and at times my heart is breaking for her having to deal with this. Feeling like I was in shock so, I cannot imagine what she was going through. It must be overwhelming and totally surreal.  She has been told it is aggressive and I pray that it was caught early. In 3 days she has surgery to remove her breast and I hope that the cancer goes with it.

I cannot imagine my life without her and she has way too much left to do here so, I know that she will get through this detour in her life and come through it like the warrior she is. We have trips to take, laughs to share, coffee to drink and treats to eat, family to visit so hopefully she gets through this as smoothly as possible, I hope for her sake. And, if it's bumpier I will do whatever I can to respect her choices and support her in whatever way she needs.

I saw hawks today and did a sage smudge and sent protection to watch over her, I have sent her strength, comfort and love up through the smoke and into the winds. I know they will reach her. As long as my plans and the universe plans line up...it's all good.