Beginnings and Endings-April 30, 2012

It is the last day of April. I will be happy and relieved to say good-bye to the past month. It has been incredibly stressful and painful, but also provided me with the opportunity to grow and change. I have been finished school for over a week now, finished with a 94% average  but spent most of that week feeling ill. Short of breath and coughing, slightly feverish. I believe that the body fights things off as needed, but eventually it needs to surrender and once I finished everything I needed to do, it said "enough" I need a rest! So today I woke up without a headache and feel pretty good...hurray! I am working again today with a new person that has 2 months sobriety, and going through the steps with her, helps me grow as well.  My relationship with my husband is hitting a whole new level of intimacy, and although fulfilling, it also can be so hard at times. "they never said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it", whoever "they" are, better be right! Sometimes things need to change in order to get better, and that is where we are at. We've been through alot together in the past year and a half, so change has been non-stop and at times we have been as well. This is an opportunity for us to redefine our needs and dreams while we move to a whole other level and I am ready for it. My son sold and bought a new house in the last week. I have one more week before I start back and I plan to enjoy it. The weather is suppose to be great this week, and I'm going to spend some time with my grandson, and maybe get a haircut, a pedicure and I have coupon for a 30 minute massage I am going to attempt to use. My sister is coming in at the end of the week, so I am looking forward to seeing her. She is going to be moving far away soon, and I want to hold onto these precious visits.  Last week was all about other people and healing and this week is all about taking care of me and empowering myself further. Hello May!

Gathering Strength-April 17, 2012

It has been an incredibly busy and draining couple of weeks, but I'm gettting a break very soon. An exam tomorrow, and two on Thursday, then a couple of final workshops on Friday and the semester is done! 2 weeks off and then back to it. The flowers are starting to bloom and my beautiful flowering bush should be opening up in another few days or a week. Change is in the air. I am struggling with a few emotional things that are quite heartbreaking, but I know if I stay true to myself and do the next right thing, it will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end. I'm glad I have lots of good people to share with that I trust. I have many things to be grateful for. So I am going to take my time and be kind and patient with myself and others right now, and trust that I will know what I need to do.

Just plain tired-April 1, 2012

Relationships have been very draining this week-end, more an accumulation of relationships that has caught up to me this week-end. I'm tired of working so hard at it, on top of it, something from someone revealed a burden that was placed on my heart. I understand why this person needed to talk, I just don't think maybe I should have been the receiving end of it, it's just too much for me. It may send me into therapy. I'm just plain tired. Glad to be back to school and routine tomorrow.
In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love? How deeply did you learn to let go?
~The Buddha