Wow I'm pretty stoked. I got an 85% on my mid term. It gives me hope that my brain can learn in a new way. It's been a low key Family Day. A bit of reading, watching T.V. and playing some Monopoly. Had my 2nd child in earlier Justin(27) and then the fourth in line Tyler(22) came in a few hours later. I had a feeling Tyler had something on his mind, but he's such a quiet soul. He's a deep thinker, and I find that I have the hardest time communicating with him since he doesn't say much. He was such and independent little boy. Walked at 9 months always running to keep up with the big kids .Didn't complain or whine too much, and when there was so many of them back then, if you were quiet, you didn't get the attention so much. Not fair at all, but it is what it is. I don't think he's overly happy with his life, but he feels stuck I think. I guess we're both finding our passion. I talk lots about it though, and he doesn't. Tried asking him some questions draw him into conversation but I'm not sure that he even knows what he's feeling or wants. I won't give up though, he's talking a bit more as he's getting older. That's about it for me today. Got to work on my resume tomorrow, I have a meeting with Shanti on Wednesday. Driving to Toronto at midnight to pick up Sam from the Megabus terminal after her week-end in Buffalo.
I was talking with my mother earlier. Holy Debbie Downer! I am always cautious about sharing my dreams with her, as she is so practical and finds reasons to why what you want to do won't work. She has been so much better in the fairly recent past that I must have let my guard down. We were talking about my going to India in the fall to get my yoga teachers training, and she was finding reason after reason as to how this may not work in my life, and when Linda gets back from India I may "change my mind" about going. Then when I was talking about my psych course, and how I wish I could afford to go back full time when I got back from India to pursue a degree as an option, she wondered why I couldn't do that like "Dad" did, part time(would take me 10-12 years) and then she complained about "kids" going to school and not knowing what they want to do, and they have to make sure they'll have a job when they finish..... I got off that call remembering clearly as to why I am cautious with surrounding myself with supportive people, and why I feel it's so important to support others. However, that doesn't change anything about what I am doing, it just makes me feel kind of sad that she has not been able to -or chooses to not meet the needs of her daughters unconditionally. I know that is not my job to solve, and it's got to do with her own unmet needs. I will just send love to her and not remind myself not to judge her.
I was talking with my mother earlier. Holy Debbie Downer! I am always cautious about sharing my dreams with her, as she is so practical and finds reasons to why what you want to do won't work. She has been so much better in the fairly recent past that I must have let my guard down. We were talking about my going to India in the fall to get my yoga teachers training, and she was finding reason after reason as to how this may not work in my life, and when Linda gets back from India I may "change my mind" about going. Then when I was talking about my psych course, and how I wish I could afford to go back full time when I got back from India to pursue a degree as an option, she wondered why I couldn't do that like "Dad" did, part time(would take me 10-12 years) and then she complained about "kids" going to school and not knowing what they want to do, and they have to make sure they'll have a job when they finish..... I got off that call remembering clearly as to why I am cautious with surrounding myself with supportive people, and why I feel it's so important to support others. However, that doesn't change anything about what I am doing, it just makes me feel kind of sad that she has not been able to -or chooses to not meet the needs of her daughters unconditionally. I know that is not my job to solve, and it's got to do with her own unmet needs. I will just send love to her and not remind myself not to judge her.
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