My Mother is released from this Life: May 1, 2013

At 8:50pm tonight my mother took her last breath. Her last breaths were the most peaceful ones I have heard her have in the past long while. During this day I had prepared to be staying there day and night for a while. Brought in pillows/blankets/clothes and such but when I got there I knew that she looked different. She told me that if anyone wanted to have visit with her they better get here soon. I called my brother and sister and while I couldn't get hold of my brother I followed the steps he told me to follow if I needed him to come and he would be there just as soon as he could. My sister immediately booked a flight from B.C. and was almost immediately in the air. I whispered to my Mom that Linda heard you would like her to come and she just jumped on a plane and is on the way. Through the day there were many visitors. Her brother in law and sister in law came in, her grandchildren and greatgrandchildren came in, no shortage of people. They came and went spending time with her but giving her time to rest and be quiet. Her grandchildren that lived far away called and spoke with her and during a stopover I encourage my sister to talk with her, just in case she did not make it. Same with my brother, I wanted them to have a sense of being connected to the day she died, being mindful that of course they are alway connected just because she is intensely connected to them. My youngest child Christian is just 14 and not prepared for this situation and decided to stay at home with Ramya and Anusha however he talked to Mom after school that day, and they each expressed their love to each other and said good-bye over the phone. He had been in to see Mom the day before so this was good closure for them both. My five oldest children and two grandchildren were there and Moms real last words were to my eldest son Shawn and the youngest grandchild Lydia, she reached out and touched Lydia (6 months) little hand and said good-bye, and thanked my daughter in law for bringing the children and she said good-bye to Shawn, and he replied he was just walking the children and Michelle out, he'd be back. She never really spoke coherently after that, she could hear and was in and out but mostly restless movements. I was in awe of my children, I thought they would come to say good-bye but they stayed, all of them in quiet support. Even Tyler who is not always at all events, he's a young 25 year old who has a busy social life, he sat by my side and I felt his love and support. Shawn always strong, dependable and real, Justin just makes me feel better and says the right thing, Racheal is just made for this type of situation, thoughtful of everyone and so giving and compassionate intuitive and Samantha who is a young 21 was able to be there for me over the days and during Moms death with the maturity of someone far beyond her years. She tended to Moms needs and helped other people. They can never know how much that meant to me and I am forever grateful. My nephew Derek had been there all day, and I love him like he is just like one of my own. He tended to my needs while I tended to Moms. Late afternoon she began to get restless and agitated, she just couldn't stay still, she moaned and asked for something to help her with the agitation. I had my daughter check on my brothers timing since we sensed she might be "holding on" and found he was about two hours away still. So he talked with her and told her it was alright if she was too tired and I think this gave her permission to go if she wanted. At about 8:30pm we thought she was looking a bit better and said "I think she'll make it" within 10 minutes we noticed her breathing getting quieter and about 5 minutes later she was definitely slowing down and I sensed she was dying soon. I had the ones sitting there go get the ones that were in the quiet room and everyone sat around and talked to nana about being there, helping her through this and loving her. It was a beaufitul and peaceful end to a very difficult last few years. I layed my head beside hers and put my hand over her heart for about 10 minutes while she took her last breaths. She was in my arms and surrounded and grounded in love and support by six of her grandchildren and son-in-law my husband Will. The staff came in about 20 minutes after she died and did what they needed to do to pronounce her death legal and then brought in tea and were had tea and told Nana stories until my sister and brother arrived. Initially I did feel a bit defeated like I couldn't keep her alive until everyone was there but, my nephew Derek really assured me that I did everything I could and intellectually I know I cannot control death but I felt bad for my siblings. As they said they have had lots of time with her lately and they did get to speak with her earlier and did all they could to get there, it was only one moment in a very long life.  Every single one of my family waited until I was ready to leave. It was so hard leaving Mom there, I felt like it's been my responsibility to watch over her for so long, to leave her there felt wrong. They waited in the hall for me and we all left together. In the hall they had lit a candle in honour of Moms life. It's been a long day, going to bed.