It has been a roller coaster during the past few weeks. The shift work has really messed with my sleep schedule and I have been awake most nights till the wee hours. 2:30am, 3:00am, 4:30am and 630am. Only sleeping 4 hours or so at night and get up and repeat it again. Been going to hot yoga and continued that, I got some melatonin and B12, began to reduce "screen time" of computers and T.V. till finally I had a few nights of sleep, not in a row at first but, then Tuesday I went to my brothers for a visit in Pembroke and slept, now it has been 3 nights in a row. It was a great visit and all I can say is I felt a pull to go to see him. My Mother whispering in my ear and an instinctive pull so, I followed it. We had a lovely time. My 14 year old son came as well and he was a great traveller and company. It was good for him as well. Family is so important and as we age it's even more important to keep lines of communication open, accept and love each other unconditionally. As long as we maintain a mutual respect of the others view and stay off politics and causes of poverty and marginalized groups, I think we will be good, I love my siblings very much and want to enjoy the time we get with each other.
Yesterday was a blow with my career plans. A contract position for up to 3 years a M-F, days only collaborative coordinator position that appeared to be a perfect fit for me. I made it through from 150+ applicants to 8 interviews to only 2 of us, me and one other for second interview to find out that I was not selected for the position. It was both disappointing and knocked me off balance once again. I had allowed myself to really believe and hope that I would be selected however, once again my plans and the "grand" plan of the universe were not in sync. I found out yesterday after interviewing for several months and it was crushing disappointment. I did not realize how much I counted on getting it until I didn't. However, life goes on and so must I. I am starting to feel like I am somehow off direction and looking for the wrong thing. My sister and I are talking about doing a trip to an Ashram in Northern India in the next year in addition to a trip to B.C. to visit my sister in the next 2 months. I hope to gain some insight regarding my direction and my destiny.
Last night my oldest daughter and I went to a tea party that had tea leaf/psychic parties and it was quite amazing. Some of what she said:
I would come into some money. The pictures she saw were someone on stilts juggling. My balance is precarious every second and that is how I have felt and if caught off balance always at risk of toppling he said I have been juggling for a long time and my inner strength has served me well and I should trust it and I should celebrate that but I wish is could be used in other things, and I will not always be on stilts and I can probably now come down off the stilts whenever I choose. I take on everybody elses baggage and burdens. I am off my path or want to know what my path is. That I want some direction, a clearer path but being on the stilts can keep me from being on my path. She also saw a butterfly, indicating a period of transition, it's a time to spread my wings and do things that I always wanted to do but did not have time, was not able to and to trust it and I will find my wings, very beautiful, very nice energy, can be scary but will be worth it but something beautiful will emerge from this period. She reflected on the transitions both in the physical world and spiritually and said I feel a restlessness and need to change. I should move with them instead of resisting them. Some of the transitions are being "put upon me" they weren't my choice but if I can move with them, it will be much easier and less of a "headache". Also, she saw a hummingbird indicating truth and trust. Trust, not so easy for me. Trusting myself and my instincts, trusting when not to trust other people. Always want to think the best of other people, and I do not have to be friends with everybody and to trust that. Be around people who I feel really good around. When we can hear and absorb the trust it can set us free. Creative person and she wants to see me with a creative outlet and wants to see me doing energy work or reiki, good psychically as well, good path to pursue. She talked about Mom, she did not get that we were that close. She described her as rough and she did not have an easy life, she is starting to smooth out. She wants me to be in a good place and not follow in her footsteps. She has things that she wants to make up for that she adored me even if it did not always seem that way. She has things she would do differently and would like to make up for one thing is to let me know how much she loved me but did not express it, but also how much she appreciated me being there in the last few years but did not express it. She was not an expressive woman, but she was a woman of the heart but had a hard time expressing it. She is at peace, she is clearing some regrets but is at peace. She is saying something like "don't forget the bacon" what she means is to remember the rich good parts of life- to live the good life, don't always live lean, indulge and treat yourself. Thats her message to me to not follow in her footsteps and live the good life. After that we talked about my communication with Mom and reminded me that she told me to "trust" myself and that I was good psychically. She confirmed that the other side was pretty much all I have experienced, she has "work" to do over there. Clearing regrets, and she would start to feel lighter when she comes to me as she is clearing.
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| My Brother at the Blueberry Farm |
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| My brother and I relaxing between stops. We do not share physical similarities for sure. |
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| My son and brother at the Military Museum |
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