Today is a relatively new statutory holiday in Canada. It is Family Day and I am so blessed to have an amazing family that I am related to in blood and spirit.
I have such abundance in my life. True friendship and co-workers that are also dear friends. My family has expanded beyond blood relations and I realize how interconnected we all our.
My life partner and I have been together nearly 18 years and we've had wonderful and not so wonderful times. Lately we've been in a weird place but, we are doing some intense work on our own healing and as a couple. I have come to know that I will never be satisfied with ordinary love. I want it all. I deserve it all. Everyone does. I see so many partners go through their lives together on auto pilot. They have friendship but, not intimacy. They have great passion but, no common ground outside the bedroom. Sometimes they are "comfortable" and don't want to start over. Or, they have so much fear of the unknown they prefer to stay with what they know, even if it's mediocre. They feel safe and in "control". What an illusion. Nothing is under control, we do things to make us feel like it is but, the only thing within our control is ourselves and even that, is questionable.
I want friendship, trust, respect, deep love, intense passion, adventure and intimacy. I want to have a partner who supports my individual dreams and goals and I want to support theirs. And, if they are not the same dreams, that's ok. We are individuals. I want to be able to talk about anything and have the uncomfortable discussions because we know it's safe to do so. I do not want any games in my relationships, I want real...even when it's ugly. I would rather have to endure some ugly in order to get it all or I would rather be on my own, it have come to love my own company.
I cannot do anything halfway or not authentically. So, it's a crossroads of working through some long standing issues to see if we can cross over to having it all. It takes work, commitment and patience. It takes people giving 100% every day not 50-50 when they feel like it. It's not easy to change how you have been doing something, even if it's unhealthy. It's not easy to get out of your ego and admit and own your part in problems. The program of recovery has helped me so much with being open minded and this has allowed me to have moments of insight regularly. I know that I will never stop learning and growing. Just when I think I have it figured out, something comes at me that shakes my world up and I believe it's necessary to have it shaken up to continue to grow and become who I was created to be.
I know it's not realistic to "have it all" every moment of every day but, I believe it is attainable to have it "all" most of the time, even when that includes some "ugly" and I will never, ever settle for mediocre.
I have such abundance in my life. True friendship and co-workers that are also dear friends. My family has expanded beyond blood relations and I realize how interconnected we all our.
My life partner and I have been together nearly 18 years and we've had wonderful and not so wonderful times. Lately we've been in a weird place but, we are doing some intense work on our own healing and as a couple. I have come to know that I will never be satisfied with ordinary love. I want it all. I deserve it all. Everyone does. I see so many partners go through their lives together on auto pilot. They have friendship but, not intimacy. They have great passion but, no common ground outside the bedroom. Sometimes they are "comfortable" and don't want to start over. Or, they have so much fear of the unknown they prefer to stay with what they know, even if it's mediocre. They feel safe and in "control". What an illusion. Nothing is under control, we do things to make us feel like it is but, the only thing within our control is ourselves and even that, is questionable.
I want friendship, trust, respect, deep love, intense passion, adventure and intimacy. I want to have a partner who supports my individual dreams and goals and I want to support theirs. And, if they are not the same dreams, that's ok. We are individuals. I want to be able to talk about anything and have the uncomfortable discussions because we know it's safe to do so. I do not want any games in my relationships, I want real...even when it's ugly. I would rather have to endure some ugly in order to get it all or I would rather be on my own, it have come to love my own company.
I cannot do anything halfway or not authentically. So, it's a crossroads of working through some long standing issues to see if we can cross over to having it all. It takes work, commitment and patience. It takes people giving 100% every day not 50-50 when they feel like it. It's not easy to change how you have been doing something, even if it's unhealthy. It's not easy to get out of your ego and admit and own your part in problems. The program of recovery has helped me so much with being open minded and this has allowed me to have moments of insight regularly. I know that I will never stop learning and growing. Just when I think I have it figured out, something comes at me that shakes my world up and I believe it's necessary to have it shaken up to continue to grow and become who I was created to be.
I know it's not realistic to "have it all" every moment of every day but, I believe it is attainable to have it "all" most of the time, even when that includes some "ugly" and I will never, ever settle for mediocre.
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