More meditation,closer to my true self one day at a time-March 13, 2011

I had a great night at a meditation night with Sanjay. A man who is from India and a student at Durham College, who put on a free night at a local studio. We did vibrating for 15 minutes, and dancing for 15 minutes then seated and lying down meditation each 15 minutes. Then a break time where we all talked and had some yummy gluten free treats from a local bakery. Then back in, we did some humming, which was intense. Each "thing" we did was for about 15 minutes each, so we sat cross legged and breath in and hum out. He had music playing as well, and after a few minutes my legs were so sore, and I remembered my class from yesterday and just accepted the discomfort and made an adjustment or two and then I noticed on my exhale hums I could feel a vibration, like my hum was hitting the "correct frequency" if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to describe it other then that, but I knew I wanted more. I noticed that some exhales I "hit" it and it felt so good, I tried to lengthen the breath to keep where I was. Then we went on to some energy work, releasing our energy to the universe, and then bring the energy to self. we then finished it off with a silent meditation. Questions and answer time after was very interesting. Sanjay is such a wise young man, with wisdom way beyond his years. It sounds like they are going to be continuing on with these teachings and I look forward to it. Namaste.

Meditation Temple-March 12,2011

It is time for me to get back to explore my spirtitual side further. Racheal and I are attended a meditation workshop in Toronto at the World meditation centre/temple. Led by a Buddist monk, it was very interesting and so much of it made sense. Being happy has nothing to do with anything outside of ourselves. True happiness can only come from within. I totally believe in that. I did not seem to have too much trouble going into the meditations that we did, which kind of surprised me. We spoke the monk after and he felt that my experience of having thoughts that I could not remember(like a dream that you knew you had thoughts, but couldn't remember any specifics) was encouraging. Perhaps my spiritual side is not so underdeveloped as I thought. So much makes sense, the non attachment to anything. Emotions, items, situations.... That anything that brings pleasure can also bring suffering. So true....Holding virtuous thoughts in meditation, and developing our spirit. The 10 day challenge is upon us. A breathing meditation each day for 10 days, and he guaranteed that our life would be better. So I will check in on March 22 to see how that is going. Some of what he talked about I'm not so sure I agree or believe in. If your spirit is not developed that you may be reincarnated in an animal(maybe mouse) form. He spoke with such certainty about death and the level of awareness during death and that there is a hell, that you can get out of, but it will be unpleasant while you're there. Not sure how he can be so sure that is exactly how it happens, and I am no sure I believe in reincarnation or hell as such. My 12 step program and my experience tells me there is a God...or higher power, whatever you choose to call it, and my God is a loving God. So I can take what I want from each teaching and meditate on the rest, perhaps leave what does not fit into my life. What I am taking away from this is making meditating a part of my day, to develope my spirtual side further. To love everyone, and not be attached to anything. If I am feeling stressed or aggitated about anything, however small I need to look inward and let go. As long as I keep a calm and peaceful mind , whatever circumstance presents itself it will not be a problem for me. Easier said than done I know, but that is why it is called a mediation "practice" not meditation "perfect".

Another Birthday Party Day-March 10, 2011

Today was Samantha's 19th birthday. My 5th chlid. Thinking back 19 years now, she was 8lbs 7oz born at 11:59pm, so she's as late in the day as possible, and all of our children and my mother in law were at the birth. Although it was really only a few hours of real labour she was a posterior presentation so she was really bruised up by my pelvic bones. I didn't even notice that when she was born, it was only when my doctor mentioned it, and then I looked at pictures later I could see how bruised up her little face was. She was so beautiful even with the bruising. It was such a joyous occassion. I took her into a jacuzzi for her first bath a few hours after she was born and was home the next morning. Anyhow, we had a bunch of her friends over and her boyfriends mother(her boyfriend is away in U.S. at school on a baseball scholarship), her brothers and sisters and nephew and niece and even her father came. We've been apart for about 14 or 15 years now, and just in the past year we've been able to attend functions at each others place. I've invited him over the years, but it just didn't happen, and I had never been asked to his place. I could never understand why divorced people couldn't still be part of each others family. When there are children involved you are always going to be joined in some way, and we have 5 together. If there was once enough love to bring 5 children into the world together, then we should be able to see past any past problems and focus on the good and the children. So it's just wonderful that he came up here and it seems like he fits right in to me. I am not sure how my husband feels about it, but I think he is fine with it. If he's not, he would never say otherwise, as he knows how important it is to the children to have their father here and part of the family. He's such a great man. We've been to his place over the past few months as well.
I've made an appointment with a goverment office to find out about a program called sceond career. For people in career transition the govenment helps with retraining. School was good today, the quiz went ok I think.

23 Years ago-March 7 2011

23 Years ago I was minutes from pushing my 4th child and 3rd son into the world. Tyler is 23 at 5:13pm and it shows as 5:09pm on my clock now. He's trying to figure out his life now as well. I've decided I'm going to continue with my schooling part time while I figure it all out. Ideally what I would like to do is find a job that I enjoy or continue to do the cleaning if I can make enough money(and a new back) and do school part time. Maybe 2 or 3 credits in the summer and winter, and perhaps take the fall semester off to concentrate on other things....or whatever works around what I find to do. It is great to be able to be so flexible. I went into see the T.A. today and they really liked my lab, where I lost points is easily fixed. They are all so nice and helpful too. I got some info about the new lab, so hopefully I'll get a better mark on it. Keeps the old neurons active!

Decisions Decisions....March 3 2011

So my appointment with the academic advisor went well. He got his degree later in life....not quite as late as me. He was in his mid 30's. I can go back full, part, take a semester or 2 off, just after 12 months I have to let them know what I'm doing.....If money were not an object and I could "follow my passion" what would I do? I would continue on with my education. Wow did I just have an epiphany? Unfortunately money is an object....so now I have 3 houses I'm cleaning every 2 weeks, and if my husbands business grows fast enough can he take care of the bills for the next 5 years? Hey that is only 1/2 the time I took care of them. He's smart and talented! It would be great to find a job that I enjoyed that would allow me to continue school. I need to give this a bit more thought. I'm going to "sleep on it". As the great psychology therorists would say, dreams will tell us what to do. My unconcious knows what to do, it just needs to tell my conscious!

little downer day-March 2,2011

Feeling a bit discouraged today. Once again when talking with my mother I got the message"you're too old" to go school. Just once I would really appreicate her feeling excited and say" you can do anything you set your mind to-just go for it" Find something that you love, even if it takes time. It's worth working on. I'm tired though so going to bed now.

Up and running again-March 1 2011

Internet finally back up and running. Almost a week it's been down.Will March come in like a lamb-go out like a lion? Only time will tell. Cleaning house for first time alone today, and was top notch job if I do say myself. Wish my house looked that good right now! I think I am too much of a perfectionist for this job. Took me 5 hours and it's a townhouse. I am sure I'll get faster, and hopefully a bit less fussy. I just want everything I do to be the very best. It doesn't matter if I'm running a muliti  million dollar business or cleaning a house, I want anything my name is associated with to be the best it can be. However my back is pretty sore, I came home from that and did 2 yoga classes back to back. A vigorous hot yoga vinyasa flow and then a restorative yin class. I'll see how the old body is in the morning.
Perfection aside my lab mark was posted and I only got a 60.5%. Boohoo for me. All that excitement from my 85% on my midterm was blown to bits with this developement. I'll get the paper back Thursday to see where I lost marks. I know that math-no extreme math-is not my thing, but I've got one more lab to get through, and I need to do better this time, so I'll seek the advise of the Teaching Assistant this time. I have way too much going on, had to cancel my appointment with Shanti tomorrow. I just didn't think that what we had to cover, justified me driving all the way in to see her. Especially with gas rates so high. I can do some more work on my resume and go see her next week. Had my 3 month old grandsome Jack over this past Saturday, and my hubby and I got some great photo's. I have posted 1. Enjoy!