It is Monday, and raining. My wrists still hurt, I have a couple of zits on my face, my dear friend and sponsor has a "spot"on her lung and my spirits are slightly deflated.I have been thinking more often about trust and how I "have issues" with trust, and the more I think about it, the worse I feel. I find my thoughts drifting to my so called friends from work and my perception of the betrayal of it all. I worry that justice will never be served, when I know that it is not my place to worry about. I just feel like at times I have such a difficult time letting things go. I think I have let it go, but here I am again with this emotional baggage hanging like a stone around my neck that only has a negative effect on me and serves no purpose in my life. My childlike hurt feelings just pop to the surface without much warning more often lately than a month ago even. I know I know " oh woe is me". I am not going to attend any pity party, just feeling a bit overwhelmed with decisions circumstances and responsibility. I was to my "new" career counsellor today. A program called "the Hidden job market". A table with 5 women around it watching a "taped" session, with a real-a real amazing person running the computer. Lots of great people, but no interaction. I was talking with my counsellor on the phone later, asking her to review a cover letter. As I have to continue to actively "job seek" in order to apply to this second career. She does not seem too be encouraging about pursuing this,almost like it's not available,even though it supposedly is. I was explaining to her that I saw a few interesting jobs, but they were contract work, like 7 months and I didn't want to do something like that short term, as then it would mess up my ability to apply for the second career program. She was all about applying for the job, regardless. What it felt like she was she was trying to sabotage me. Not a good feeling in a career counsellor. Maybe there is more to it that I'm not aware of. Maybe the program is "unofficially" out of funding? I'm going to ask her about it when I'm in next. I don't want to waste my time waiting for something that will never happen. Then my application at Trent is sitting on a desk somewhere still. I had to ask the academic advisor to look into it. On a good note, I ended up getting a 100% on my second lab, which was completely unexpected in an awesome way. I'm feeling a bit rudderless the last few days. I know I need to get back to basics, back to my yoga practice and meditation and keep a postitive attitude. Knowing it and doing it are two very different things. Tomorrow is a whole new day! That is a beautiful thing.
1 comment:
Some days, we all wonder why we are doing what we are doing. But in the end, just putting one foot in front of the other is the best plan. Trust what yours is to do, will present to you, right in the face!
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