Brand New Start-January 1 2013

I love beginnings. Even though it's symbollic it's nice to have a fresh start at something with no mistakes made yet. I had a lovely New Years Eve. First half spent at my Mothers retirement home. They had entertainment and my husband Will, son Christian and Indian daughters Ramya and Anusha came to Nana's home and of course my sister was already there. She is going home day after tomorrow. Tomorrow night I take her to Toronto and she will fly out the morning after. It has been so nice to have her here. It's kind of like the closure to her leaving that we never got. My mother has really enjoyed having her there and she has become a "cruise director" of the retirement home. Everyone there loves her and she enjoys them as well. Mom looked very frail to me yesterday and I worry that she has lost some will to live. There is something in her eyes that has faded this past time.

After the retirement home we went to my A.A. friends home and it was a small lovely gathering that welcomed our new girls into the fold. We counted down the new year and sang happy birthday with our cake to Anusha. Everyone sober and happy. Can't ask for much more.

I have reflected a little today on the past two years and know that 2013 is a year that I will assess and make some subtle and possibly larger changes in my life. I have come to understand that when I live a life that is not authentic I suffer. When I allow words or actions that I do not think are acceptable to continute I am not listening to my intuition and I suffer. Suffering comes in many forms. Sadness, anger, frustration, resentment. I do not want to participate in perpetuating any of this anymore in my life moving forward. I can take no responsiblity for others reactions to this nor can I hold any judgement when others do not understand or want to be part of this journey. Everyone must walk their own path. It is difficult work, changing automatic reactions and challenging those who cause this suffering however, it must be done or I will become someone I am not. I am not making any New Years Resolutions. Instead I will do my very best to be present in each moment and work doing the hard work that needs to be done.